


how much longer will it take to cure this?

by hounds_of_love



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, M/M, i listened to accidentally in love by counting crows Too many times and this was born, i was the same you know, it's alison and captain friendship time babey!!, repressed lil gay man, the captain thinks he's dying but it's just lurveeee, we've all been there cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 18:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hounds_of_love/pseuds/hounds_of_love
Summary: The Captain thinks he’s dying. Which is definitely odd because he’s a ghost. But how else can he explain how he can’t breathe anymore, how his heart feels like it’s going to crash out of his ribcage, how his stomach swoops like he’s on a rollercoaster.It’s an imminent heart attack, for sure. Best to ask Alison for help.
Relationships: Alison/Mike (Ghosts TV 2019), Pat Butcher/The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	how much longer will it take to cure this?

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i'm back, after my lowkey sad and reflective fic the other day, with a hopefully more upbeat, silly little thing about the Captain realising he's in love!! i'm in a much better mood today and it's honestly been the most fun thing ever to write!!  
> inspired by accidentally in love by counting crows and [here's](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TzvrVfEWo8wj7rQSGqDXb?si=gv-YJZ3_QQG1gqr-hkGjJw) a whole playlist i made actually!  
> as usual, please be nice and leave kudos and comments! if there's anything you want to see in later fics then let me know too!

The first disconcerting thing that the Captain noticed was his growing inability to breathe. It was mostly worrying because he was a ghost and didn’t need to breathe really, yet he couldn’t deny the heavy feeling on and in his chest and the often daily struggle to get air into his lungs.  
But he could handle that. So what if he sometimes needed to scurry away to his room during movie nights, just to be able to catch his breath? It’s a free country. He could do what he liked.

But then the inability to breathe became coupled with the feeling of his unbeating, dead heart somehow thundering a mile a minute out of his chest, similar to those cartoon characters’ hearts in the shows Alison and Michael would watch when they were ill and in bed for the day. 

The Captain hadn’t needed to use first aid for many, many years and so he couldn’t quite remember all the symptoms of a heart attack, and he definitely didn’t know whether the swooping feeling in his stomach was something to worry about. Knowing his luck, it definitely was. 

Maybe individually these symptoms were nothing. He’d had a similar swooping feeling when young Adam had visited the house to direct that film, for example, but it had got better after a while and only came back when he thought too much about it. But this feeling now went hand in hand with the other symptoms that had all come on at roughly the same time and he was certain there was only one answer, and definitely only one person he could go to for help. 

After a few more days of floundering, blushing, escaping to his room or the garden to remember how to breathe and getting weirdly sweaty - enough to loosen his tie and pop his top button at times - the Captain could wait no longer. He stalked into Alison’s bedroom. She had her back to him and was folding clothes while humming a song underneath her breath. 

“Alison!” He stopped short several paces behind her, “I think I’m dying.” 

Alison shrieked and threw a jumper dangerously close to his head, but he ducked out of the way quickly. 

“Oh my god, Captain! Don’t sneak up on me!” She yelled. 

He scowled at her. 

“Wait a second?” Alison said as she braced over her knees to catch her breath, “Dying?” 

The Captain straightened himself up properly too and tucked his swagger stick under his arm. 

“Yes. Dying. It’s the only explanation I can think of. A heart attack is imminent, I believe.” 

“Right.” Alison stood up straight and placed her hands on her hips, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re a ghost.” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re already dead.” 

“Yes.” 

“So how are you dying?” 

“I don’t know! How else can you explain it?” 

“Explain what?!” Alison raised her hands in confusion. 

“This!” The Captain gestured wildly at himself, “Me! This! Everything that’s been happening!” 

Alison took a step back in shock at the Captain’s increasingly high-pitched voice. He had an unhinged look in his eyes. 

“Alright, alright,” She held up her hands as if soothing a wild animal, “It’s ok. Let’s just calm down. Sit down, here,” She moved a chair across from her, and sat down opposite it, “and tell me exactly what’s going on.” 

Alison folded her hands across her knees and tried to put on an approachable face as the Captain sank into a chair. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. After several moments of deep breathing, he straightened back up, bracing himself with his swagger stick across his knees. He sighed heavily. 

“I keep not being able to breathe.” It seemed to pain him to get the words out, as if each one was an iron nail he had to spit out. 

“Ohh-kaay.” Alison dragged the word out slowly, “I won’t lie, I’m still a bit confused. I assumed ghosts didn’t need to breathe.” 

“We don’t.” The Captain said quietly, “That’s why it’s so odd. I just keep feeling short of breath. And hot and sweaty all the time.” 

“Well, that sounds like heat stroke...or a panic attack.” 

“Oh lord, that doesn’t sound good. Do you get a swooping feeling in your stomach with those?” 

“Yeah, it’s not great. Hold on?” Alison frowned at him, “Swooping feeling?” 

“Yes. Like when you go over a bump in the road in an automobile.” The Captain swished his hand in the air like a plane, “Swoop.” 

“That’s...odd.” Alison narrowed her eyes and rubbed her chin. 

The Captain fiddled with his swagger stick while Alison thought some more. 

“Have you noticed this happening at particular times?” 

The Captain thought for a moment then frowned and shrugged. 

“Not that I can think of. I feel like it’s all the time recently.” 

“Ok.” She smiled at him sweetly, “Try to think of some times that it happened. I’m testing out a theory here.” 

“Oh, God, ok. Let’s see,” The Captain puffed out his cheeks with an exaggerated breath as he contemplated, “I suppose there was the time a few weeks ago, when we were watching Friends. And then last week by the lake. And then the other day when Julian suggested that we play Spin The Bottle.” 

“Well that would make anyone panic,” Alison nodded sympathetically, “Tell me more about the other times.” 

The Captain narrowed his eyes at her. 

“We were watching Friends and if I remember correctly, Patrick said I would look ‘cool’ if I dressed like Chandler in series one. He said he thought I would have suited the 90s fashion when I was younger. Yes, exactly,” The Captain pointed to Alison’s involuntary expression of disbelief, “I know we’re very similar in personality, but Chandler’s fashion is a far cry from my uniform. But anyway, it didn’t matter what I thought, because I had to excuse myself to apparently relearn how to breathe.”

The Captain shook his head at the absurdity of his life. Alison seemed like she was fighting off a smile. She schooled her features. 

“Continue.” She smiled again. 

“Well, then we were all by the lake and Kitty wanted to do piggyback races so Pat asked if we could be paired and if I’d be the bottom, but I had to turn him down because I felt that god awful pressure in my chest.” The Captain touched his chest absentmindedly. 

“Oho God.” Alison grinned and tried to smother it with her hand. 

“What?” The Captain asked sharply, “Are you laughing at me? I’m dying again and you’re laughing at me?” 

Alison chuckled some more. The Captain scowled and made to stand up. 

“Cap, wait.” She reached out as if to touch him, and he sagged back down. 

He waited for her to collect herself. 

“Listen, Cap. You’re not dying. It might feel like it but, well, with everything you’ve described. I think you’ve got a crush.” 

The Captain’s frown deepened. 

“A what?” 

Alison sighed. 

“A crush. You like someone. I won’t tell you who, mainly because that would ruin, well,” She gestured at the Captain, slumped in the chair in front of her, scowling petulantly because he didn’t understand, “All of this that you’ve got going on.” 

The Captain didn’t say anything, looking more and more confused as the seconds ticked by. 

“That’s preposterous.” He mumbled. Alison felt a small pang of pity for him. 

But at that moment, Mike walked into the room in his boiler suit, with a hammer and a weird smell clinging to him. 

“Hey babe, you know that pipe in the cellar that you told me not to touch? Well, I bonked it with my hammer and it detached and is just,” he mimicked a slow explosion with his hands and made noise to go with it, “spewing out stuff right now.” 

“Oh god.” She stood up quickly, and hesitated before shooing Mike away, “Captain?” 

He looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. 

“I’ve got to go. But think about what I said. About you liking someone. Maybe try to make a longer list of when you feel like you can’t breathe and see if you can find a pattern.” 

“Right, ok.” The Captain nodded sharply, “Yes. Thank you for your help.” 

Alison wished she could lay a comforting hand on his shoulder as she left, but instead she had to settle for a nod and a smile. When she came back later, the Captain was gone. 

\-------------------------------------------

True to his word, the Captain did follow Alison’s advice. He tried to create an internal log of when he started to feel his heart attacks coming on, when he particularly struggled to breathe, and when he became most sweaty and tingly. And if Alison wasn’t bally right. After a few days, he began to see a theme and he really didn’t like where it was going. 

The first instance was when Alison had put himself and Patrick in charge of keeping the others busy while she dealt with something or other in the house. Honestly, the minutiae of day to day life at Button House must have been starting to bore the Captain because he had completely forgotten to listen to Alison about what was going on that day. Instead he tried to pay attention to Patrick standing resolutely at his side, and whatever he was saying, but even that he was suddenly finding difficult. It wasn’t until Pat reached out and grabbed his arm that the Captain realised Alison had dismissed them. Pat’s hand was loosely holding his sleeve, and slid down to his wrist, uncovered by his uniform. The Captain let out a small squeak as he was dragged from the room, and found the breath had rather been knocked out of him with one small touch. 

“I say, Pat.” The Captain rasped, untangling his wrist from Pat’s, gently, without having to touch the other man’s fingers, “Let’s split up to find the others and, uh, cover more ground.”

“Nice one, Cap.” Pat smiled and patted him once on the shoulder and scurried away down the corridor. 

The Captain pressed a hand against his chest, as if he could press hard enough to stop the ridiculous beating of his heart, and leant against the wall. He sighed deeply as he tried to calm his breathing. He could only think about the rough feeling of Pat’s calloused fingers around his wrist and he shivered. 

The next day had been particularly sunny and the Captain had been following beams of sunlight through the window, watching the dust float gently through the air until his eyes landed on Pat. His breath caught in his throat at the marbling effect that the sun had on Pat’s eyes. He stared for several moments too long, and though Pat was in conversation with someone else, he had realised the Captain was staring and frowned at him. 

“Have I got something on my face?” Pat asked, gesturing with a silly little flick. 

“No, no.” The Captain coughed, “Sorry, just lost in my thoughts. I’m going for a walk.” 

Pat pulled a face at whoever he was talking to - Mary maybe, or Robin, could it have been Julian? Honestly, who knew. The Captain turned on his heel and walked out into the garden. He’d stood by the lake for easily an hour, maybe two, and thought of nothing but Pat’s bright eyes while his stomach swooped with the grace of a baby eagle trying to soar. That image made him think of Icarus, and how he felt he was close to reaching something, some precipice, and that he might soon find himself plummeting. In his internal log, he did not write about the implications of Patrick in the sunlight and his comparing himself to Icarus. 

The last straw for the Captain occurred when they were getting ready for Film Night at 1900 hours that very same day. As usual they were all squished on various chairs and sofas, leaving space for Michael when he joined them with the popcorn. 

“I’ve saved you a seat!” Pat called excitedly as the Captain entered the room. The Captain settled down next to him, tucking his elbows in, gripping his stick tightly on his lap, uncomfortably tense. Pat seemed to notice because he attempted to wiggle and give the Captain more space. In doing so, he accidentally elbowed the Captain sharply in the gut. 

“Good lord.” The Captain wheezed, keeling over for a second as a reflex. But not wanting to lose face, he sat up straight again with a groan almost immediately. 

“So sorry Cap!” Pat laid his hand on the Captain’s thigh - his upper thigh - and squeezed. 

The Captain’s stomach swooped so hard he thought he might throw it up right there and then. He leapt to his feet with an undignified noise.

“I’ve got to go. I’ve got things to do.” The Captain wasted no time, and strode away quickly, his gaze directed at the floor. 

Alison was talking to Kitty near the doorway. The Captain passed by, his hand raised to press against his chest, a gasp starting to rip through him, when he caught her eye by accident. He coughed awkwardly with wide eyes as he hurried out of the room. 

Alison excused herself and followed the Captain. She met Mike on the way and told him to wait for her in the TV room. When she arrived in the Captain’s room, he was already pacing frantically. 

“It’s happening, Alison!” He gestured wildly at himself. 

“Oh dear.” She said kindly. 

“What do I do!” 

“It’s alright! It’s just a crush, Cap. If you ignore it and it will go away after a while!”

“Yes, well, I can’t ignore it if it’s _love_ , can I? God, things would be so much easier if I were dying again.” 

“Would we say that?” Alison said, more to herself than him, “And hold on, _love_?”

The Captain nodded fearfully. 

“Well, that changes things, doesn’t it? Who is it?” Alison asked, starting to grin, even though she definitely knew who it was, even before the Captain had pieced it together. 

“I can’t...I shan’t say.” The Captain wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. 

“Is it Thomas?” She goaded him with a silly smirk. 

“Certainly not!” The Captain looked affronted, “I have standards you know!”

“You’re in love with another ghost, Cap.” 

“Ok, I have _some_ standards.”

He paced across the room and back again. 

“It’s Patrick, alright? Happy now? God,” He pressed a hand to his chest and stared at the ceiling, “The other men weren’t like this.” 

“Other men!” Alison sounded ridiculously happy. 

“Yes!” The Captain snapped grumpily, “After some self-reflection, I have concluded that maybe I had a, what was it, a _crush_ , on Adam, for example, and certain other passing fancies.” 

Alison grinned. 

“But this one’s stuck around, has it?” 

The Captain nodded, rubbing near his heart absentmindedly. 

“Yes. How much longer will it take to cure it?” He asked earnestly. 

Alison looked shocked. 

“You can’t _cure_ it!” Then she added gently, “There’s nothing to cure, Captain. It’s love. It’s not going to kill you.” 

The Captain scoffed at her in response then gestured at himself. 

“What do I _do_?” 

“I think you’ve gotta tell him, Cap.” She said gently. 

“Are you mad?!” He whisper-shouted, swinging round to gawp at her. 

“Why not?” 

“Well, if I tell him, he might _hear_ me!” 

“Look, you can either keep it inside, like you’ve probably done for years,” The Captain scowled at this, “Or you can tell him, and then if he doesn’t reciprocate, you can just...move on.” 

“Get sucked off?” The Captain asked, frowning. 

“I don’t really want to talk about your sex life, Cap.” 

“What?”

“What?” 

They stared at each other in confusion. Alison continued. 

“I mean, you can move on emotionally. If you get an answer from Pat about how he feels, then you can forget about your feelings.” 

“You seem rather certain he’ll reject me.” 

“Uhhh, I mean. I wouldn’t say _that_. It’s just he’s quite...straight. And until he realised Carol had cheated on him with the smallest man in the world, he was still head over heels for her.” 

“Right.” The Captain stood straight with his stick under one arm. He coughed awkwardly and Alison could see the sadness in the crease between his brows. She felt a stab of pity as he refused to meet her eyes. 

“So, you’re saying I should tell him. But that he probably won’t reciprocate.” 

“I really don’t know, Cap. That’s something you’ve got to ask him.” 

“Do I have to?” He asked softly. 

“I guess not. But you probably won’t get over it until you do. Because you are stuck together for eternity. At least you’ll know if you ask him.” 

The Captain pursed his lips and then nodded sharply. Alison watched as his expression started to collapse. He quickly brought up a hand to cover his eyes and his shoulders hunched. He sniffed. 

“Sorry,” He said in a small voice, "It's been a long few days.” 

“Oh, Captain. I can imagine. I wish I could give you a hug.” 

He wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand and smiled at her. 

“Yes, that’s what all the ladies say.” He tried valiantly to smile again as Alison chuckled kindly at his attempt at humour. His face slipped a second time and he let out a hysterical little noise before covering his eyes once more. Alison made a hesitant attempt to touch him soothingly, and he had to lurch back before she accidentally made him throw up. 

“God. I’m sick of this.” He sniffed, and coughed and then steeled himself, tucking his stick under his arm. “Come on. Let’s go and watch The Holiday or Kitty will never let us hear the end of it.” 

“Cap, are you sure?” 

“After you, Alison.” He gestured to the doorway with his stick.

\-----------------------

The Captain needed more help. He needed advice from a pro, a connoisseur of romance. Unfortunately, there was only one such person he could think of that had had any actual _success_ in that department. 

“How would you tell someone that you like them? That you’re interested in them romantically? Hypothetically speaking. Just following on from a conversation I was having with Alison. About, uh...romantic comedy films.” The Captain bit out awkwardly. 

Julian stared at him from where he was reclined on the sofa and then smirked. 

“If this is your way of coming out and on to me, then I’m flattered but-”

“No! God, no.” The Captain yelped. 

“Oh, right. I forgot you’re ‘straight’” Julian raised his hands to do quotation marks. 

“No, you’re just a creep and a cretin.” 

“Charming!” Julian raised his eyebrows, “Do you want my help or not?” 

“...Yes.” The Captain admitted grudgingly. 

“Well, my advice, hypothetically of course, is to speak from the heart, or some similar bullshit like that, but at the same time always pretend that you don’t actually care what their answer is. You could take ‘em or leave ‘em. That way you don’t lose face if they say no. Like you can just turn around and say ‘I’m kidding!’. Not that I - ha! - ever had to do that.” Julian smirked again and wobbled the knot of his tie. 

“Right.” The Captain grimaced.

“Alternatively, just rip it off like a plaster and get the hell outta dodge if it goes pear-shaped.” 

“Uh?” 

“You. Run. Away.” Julian enunciated clearly with the politician’s thumb for emphasis. 

“Oh.” The Captain coughed awkwardly. “Well, thank you Julian. Certainly...enlightening.” 

“No problemo, big guy. I’d love to see you grow some balls and actually do it.” He gave an exaggerated wink. 

The Captain smiled politely and awkwardly and walked away. 

\------------  
It was later that day that the Captain actually found Pat on his own. He had spent the rest of the morning in various places around the house thinking deeply about everything that Alison and Julian said. A lot of what Julian said could often be dismissed as complete nonsense but there was something to be said about getting the whole sorry thing over and done with, and putting on a brave face if it all went wrong. Alison, as well, had encouraged him to do it sooner rather than later. So when he found Pat in the drawing room, staring out the window at the birds in the garden, he knew that it would probably be his only chance. 

“Patrick!” He smiled at the other man who, almost always friendly, smiled back. 

“Hullo Captain!” He pointed out of the window, “Just looking at the birds.” 

“That’s nice, Patrick.” He reached where Pat was standing, and peered out of the window where he had pointed. 

“You alright, Cap?” Pat placed a hand gently on the Captain’s arm, and he had to stop himself flinching in response. He nodded tightly and turned to look out of the window again. 

For several awkward moments, he stood next to Patrick, gazing out of the window. Every so often, Patrick could glance at him, clearly expecting him to say something. So putting his brave face on, the Captain took a deep breath and spoke softly again. 

“You once told me that the war was over. When you thought you were moving on.” 

“Getting sucked off?” Pat clarified. 

“Yes, exactly.” The Captain nodded and took another deep, steeling breath, still staring straight ahead, out of the window. “You weren’t just talking about the literal war, were you?” 

Patrick’s demeanor turned serious, quite suddenly. He hesitated. 

“No, I suppose I wasn’t.” Out of the corner of his eye, the Captain could see how his gaze softened, “Why do you ask?” 

“Well. I suppose it’s because I’ve realised that I’m gay and I’m in love with you. And Alison told me to be honest with you about, you know, how I can’t stop thinking about you and such like, because then you can reject me and everything can go back to normal and the, uh, emotional war, as it were, would be over.” 

“Love?” Pat repeated, shocked, “What do you mean you’re in love with me?” 

“I didn’t _mean_ to be.” The Captain held himself awkwardly straight, finally turning to look at Pat again, “It just sort of happened. By accident. Frankly, I was just as surprised as you are!” 

“Huh yeah, ya got that right.” Pat huffed out a small laugh, with wide eyes, before falling silent again. 

Pat didn’t speak for several minutes. The Captain continued to stare out of the window. Eventually, due to a lack of patience and abundance of embarrassment, he broke the silence again.

“Listen, Patrick, can we skip to the rejection? I’ve done pining after straight men before, although I’ll admit I wasn’t totally aware of it at the time. So, if we could just,” he gestured with his hands, “speed things up a bit, that would be great. I’ve got plans to watch M*A*S*H with Michael later. ” 

Pat still didn’t speak. He stared at the Captain with his mouth slightly open, but didn’t seem to really be registering him. 

“Right. Well. I’m going to go.” He laid a hand on Pat’s shoulder and said gently, “You come and find me when you’ve worked through this, alright? I hope we can still be friends.” 

He walked away, bumping into Alison in the doorway. 

“Did you tell him?!” She asked excitedly. 

“Oh yes. He’s just, uh, processing.” He pointed at Pat, still frozen in the middle of the room, staring wide eyed at the floor. 

“Oh dear.” 

“Yes, my sentiments exactly. Is Michael in the TV room?” He asked. Alison saw right through his false bravado, saw the glassiness of his eyes, but let him go anyway with a nod. 

\---------------------------------------

“Cap!” Julian swaggered as he entered the drawing room, later in the evening, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder, “I’ve just bumped into Pat, what the hell did you do to the man?” 

The other ghosts turned back to him. Fanny looked ready to reprimand him for hurting Pat’s feelings, but stopped when she took stock of the Captain’s sheepish expression. 

“I don’t. I mean. I didn’t. Well. Uhh.” He stared down at where he was toeing the ground with a boot. 

“Oh Captain!” Kitty was dangerously close to wailing, “What did you do?” 

The Captain sighed, still looking at the ground. 

“ItoldPatI’minlovewithhim” he mumbled quickly. 

“Wha?” Robin grunted. 

“I _said_ , I told Pat I’m in love with him.” The Captain snapped, bringing his gaze up to look at the others. 

Silence. 

Julian chuckled. 

“Hooo boy! Why on earth would you do that?” 

“I don’t know!” The Captain almost whined, “Alison convinced me it was a good idea. And I was just following your advice too!” 

“Oh well! That was your first mistake, wasn’t it?” Julian laughed then strolled forward and clapped him on the shoulders, “Didn’t think you had it in you, big guy!”

“Thank you, I think.” He scrubbed tiredly at his face with his hands. “I shouldn’t have told him.”

“No!” Mary piped up, “I thinks you should always tell peoples when you loves them.” 

“Thank you, Mary.”

“Yes, I concur.” Thomas piped up from where he was draped on the sofa, “Welcome to the club of spurned romantics. Our lovers walk in beauty like the night, but we may never-” 

“Oh, Christ.” Captain muttered then interrupted for Alison’s sake, “Yes, thank you, Thomas.” 

Kitty looked like she might faint from pride. She came over to bundle him up into a shrieky and awkward hug. He nodded at her in thanks. He felt a small touch on his arm and turned to look at Fanny. 

“Well done.” She smiled at him, “That was brave of you to admit to him.” 

“Yes, well. Times have changed.” The Captain nodded seriously, “I shan’t be emotionally repressed anymore.” 

“Oh god.” Julian moaned, “That’s going to get annoying quickly, isn’t it?” 

Robin threw his shoe at Julian quickly and with alarming accuracy. 

“Don’t be dickhead, Joolian. Cap brave. You twat.” 

“Aye! Captain’s a brave mans.” Mary smiled pleasantly, “He done a good thing today.” 

Thomas was just lifting Humphrey’s head up to address the Captain when they heard the loud footsteps of the only person not in the room. The Captain paled and turned around slowly.

“You’re in _love_ with me?!” Pat shrieked shrilly as he entered the room. 

Silence filled the room again. The others turned to gape at him, to see what he might say. The Captain coughed awkwardly. 

“You couldn’t do this earlier?” He asked sullenly. “It had to be done in front of everyone else? Very well. Yes, I am. I’m in love with you.” 

Kitty squealed with excitement. The Captain smiled at her and he appreciated the support, but really thought he could do without the others there, witnessing his humiliation. 

“Now, Pat, this is the point where you say you’re flattered but no thanks. And then everyone can move on.” 

“Get sucked off?” 

“Precisely, Mary.” The Captain pointed at her with his stick and smiled. 

“But-” Pat started, then stared at the ground, then back at him, “I’m not straight?!” 

“What?” 

“Earlier, you said you’d had enough of pining after straight men. I’m not straight.” 

“Right. Well.” The Captain frowned and swallowed awkwardly. “Good for you. Join the club, as the kids say.” He added sarcastically, like he didn’t really believe Pat. 

“I’m bisexual. I like men too. And I didn’t know that you were an option. As someone I was allowed to like.”

“Well, now you do.” The Captain said simply. 

Pat gazed at the Captain, tilting his head in confusion and the Captain stared right back at him. 

In a split second and frankly reckless decision, he strode forward, throwing himself off the precipice, off the cliff’s edge, and straight towards the sun. He grabbed Pat’s face firmly with both hands and kissed him soundly, deeply and with an enthusiasm that made Julian holler. Pat’s knees seemed to give out beneath him, and he had to scrabble to find a holding in the broad expanse of the Captain’s back. And in a move most shocking to the Captain, he began to move his lips to meet the harsh tilt of the Captain’s passionate kiss. 

“Uh, guys, we’re still very much here.” Alison piped up loudly. 

The Captain broke away suddenly from Pat. 

“Right. Yes.” He turned, dazed, to look at everyone else, unable to stop a soft smile breaking out. He touched his fingers to his lips gently.

“I’m going to have a conversation with Pat. Away from you all. Far away.” 

He laughed aloud. His eyes met Alison’s and he found nothing but joy there so he grabbed Pat’s wrist. Robin whooped and Julian wolf-whistled at them as they passed. Fanny smiled fondly. Mary was helping Kitty onto the sofa, as she’d apparently collapsed in the excitement. The Captain led Pat away hurriedly, his head bowed down to avoid the others’ eyes, smiling at the ground. 

As they left the room, Pat pulled his hand back. 

“Wait.” He called quietly. The Captain turned, hesitant, worried. 

Pat untangled the Captain’s hand from his wrist and rearranged them so their fingers slotted together instead. 

“Now let’s go and talk.” He smiled up at him. 

The Captain caught his lips in a brief kiss and they set off again. His mouth was dry, his stomach swooped and his heart was pounding in his chest a mile a minute but he had a word for it now. He knew what it meant. The words thrummed in his chest as he walked.

_I’m in love. I’m in love. I’m in love. I’m in love._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please like and leave comments :) and as always, you can find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/charlie--lover)


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